hmm. i just dont feel like writing a long entry today, or even a short one.... but yeah. id just like to say..... i heart tim. like MAJORLY.

today was one of those days where you're worried about how you're going to treat the ones you love because the days before were completely spun out... it was one of those days where you're afraid of how it will go, whether it will end in joy or tears..... for me, today was one of those days where you could just look at that special someone and know that everything would be alright. i knew that today even though i had to take the bus lol i hate taking the bus its wayyyy to freakin early but yeah i had nothing better to do with my time so i went into the library to do hw or some such like that or maybe just mess around on the computer and guess who was in there typing their essay...... yeah thats right, charlie..... and talking to him made my day, and it was like... seven in the morning.....and i walked to forst period with him... well in the general direction that we both go in, me to p.e. and him to slc.... and it was nice. it made me happy, and just being with him was enough for me to know that everything today would be alrght. and it was.

yeah... today was good... until RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY MOTHER WON'T LEAVE THE FUCKING ROOM AND LET ME HAVE A LITTLE PRIVACY WHILE IM ONLINE!!!!!!! AND SHE WONDERS WHY IM USING FOUL LANGUAGE!!! ITS BECAUSE IM PISSED OFF!!!!! shes like 'im mad too and you dont see me using that kind of language..' yah well the point is getting across...... trying to pry into my private life because you dont trust me or something??? is that it???????????????? AND WHY THE FUCK IS THAT????? NO REASON!!!!! wtf have i done???? NOTHING!!!!! 'i dont trust anyone' she says, AND ESPECIALLY NOT ME, IS THAT IT?????? what the hell???? AS SHE'S READING THIS OVER MY EFFING SHOULDER!!!!! SHE STILL DOESNT GET IT, DOES SHE???? i ALREADY SAID, half a fucking hour more and she was like no, i have to check my effing email NOW, and IF SHE HAD JUST LEFT, I WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE ALREADY! BUT NO! IVE SPENT THE WHOLE FUCKING THIRTY MINUTES TELLING HER TO GO AWAY!!!!!!! AND HAS SHE???? NO! she insists on looking at every effing thing im typing!!! NO NO EFFING REASON OTHER THAN SHES NOSY!!! AND WONT STOP!!!! its REALLY FUCKING STARTING TO GET ON MY FUCKING NERVES. does she care????? obviously not!
holy shit. this is really.... AMG I DONT KNOW AND YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL LIKE KILLING SOMETHING RIGHT NOW!!!

"In a world of pollution, profanity, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, stupid guys, and PMS, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day?"

my views exactly.





Why do you cry?
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i really really really realy really like him. gosh. hes like... everything im looking for in a guy. its insane. where the hell has he been all my life? he's sweet, he's sexy, he's crazy, he plays soccer, he's understanding, he's basically the charmingest damn thing ive ever met. he's all i need and more.
and best of all, he's mine.

yay over vacation it snowed! there's still a little snow left but it's mostly gone..... and i had to leave the day after it snowed >:( it made me mad. me and peter were out in the snow till like 10 or something sunday night playing in the snow because we had to leave early that monday morning. we went to santa rosa for my indoor tourney.. haha rohnert park was there, pity we didnt play them. we tied, lost, and won our games then went back to the hotel.. cept the rest of the team just went home but we stayed and headed down to l.a. the next morning... haha monday night though while we were in santa rosa i called aileen and i was like 'hey open the door, we'rre in your driveway!' she was like you lie! and i guess she got up and checked and we werent there and it was really funny i couldnt talk to her cuz i was laughing so hard.... haha....
meh ill write about my time in l.a. later because my fingers hurt... so yeah... buh bye

right. i especially love how all my good days end with me crying or contemplating suicide.... or both... the way ive been feeling lately, i dont even know if anyone would care. is all i am a disappointment to everyone? my life used to be so... i dont know. perfect. it was great. all i used to think about was like, which guy do i like more, or what should my new screenname be, or something stupid like that. i was materialistic, or superficial, or whatever, but most of all i was happy.
now i hardly know what happiness is anymore. happiness does not end with tears like this.

ok so... about oh idk a month ago eric gives me alec's s/n... tells me to talk to him.... right, and ever since we've been talking a lot and flirting and such and while we know who we are, cuz like we went against each other in school sports last year, in soccer and while we didnt race against each other we both did track but yeah... it's been a while since we've last SEEN each other aaaaand.... yeah. so anyways i told him i wanted a picture and he was like 'i'll give you one when i get them developed' and yeah then he was like 'do you have a pic of you?' aaand.. well to make a long story short, i'd fallen in love with his wits his craziness everything else about him, and now on top of all that HE THINKS I'M BEAUTIFUL...... *faints* well im tired so ima go to bed and dream about alec, then wake p bright and ealy to meet sofia at the movies to see ROTK!

*yawn* man im tired... ive been staring at a computer screen for the last hour and a half.... exciting, i know. i just finished my computers final.... spanish this morning, pretty easy but it took a long time... like and hour and twenty minutes-ish.... same with geometry yesterday, it wasnt that hard, it just took a while. oh man p.e. was just really stupid... i finished the extra credit final in like ten minutes.... and i was there for like.... two hours. it sucked. and tomorrow.... urg. my hardest class [psych] and my least favorite teacher [champagne] in the same day.... soooo not cool.....
then its vacation! yay! at least there's that to look forward to....